


Five Times James T. Kirk Tried to Get in on Some Hot Threesome Action with Nyota Uhura and Spock

by Mari



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Cave-In, Humor, Multi, Sex Pollen, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-04
Updated: 2011-05-04
Packaged: 2017-10-18 23:22:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/194418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mari/pseuds/Mari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five Times James T. Kirk Tried to Get in on Some Hot Threesome Action with Nyota Uhura and Spock (and One Time He Actually Did)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times James T. Kirk Tried to Get in on Some Hot Threesome Action with Nyota Uhura and Spock

1\. The first time was a joke. Mostly. At first.

Spock and Uhura were sitting next to each other in public, which was practically like making out, for the two of them, and he just couldn't resist the urge to mess with them a little.

"Hey, Uhura," he said, sidling up and suavely resting his arm across her shoulders, "I'm glad I found you. I have an _urgent_ translation question."

"Captain?" She wasn't tonally replacing "captain" with "idiot," but it was close.

He grinned. "Yeah, I was wondering – can you explain the term ' _ménage à trois_ ' to me?"

Uhura was busy staring at him, and Spock answered, "it is a French term, Captain, that refers to an unconventional household arrangement in which three –"

"Spock," Uhura interrupted, "it's time to go."

"But we have no time-specific pla–"

" _Now_."

It was okay if they didn't appreciate the joke. _Jim_ knew he was hilarious.

2\. The second time, he was pretty drunk. Everyone was a little drunk, actually, except for Spock, who never drank, and Chekov, whose tolerance for alcohol was borderline inhuman.

Shore leave was _awesome_. Shore leave was awesome, and the crew was awesome, and Spock was awesome and also _adorable_ , all stoic and stony-faced, standing in the corner and watching Uhura tipping over on the dance floor while McCoy tried not to drop her.

"Come here often?" Jim said, leaning into Spock's personal space.

"As you are no doubt aware that this is my first visit to this planet, much less this bar, I can only presume that you are making an attempt at humor through the ironic use of a classic technique of human seduction, the so-called 'pick up' line."

Adorable!

"I've actually never been any good at irony," Jim said, smoothly. Or tried. It came out a little more like, "nuhgood irony."

And then he passed out.

3\. "You know," Jim said, "chances are pretty good we're going to die here."

"It would seem statistically probable," Spock agreed. "But I have observed before that you have a way of defying the laws of the universe."

"Along with other laws," Uhura muttered.

"Okay, that's true. And optimistic! Good point, Spock."

The ground shuddered, and the rocks blocking the entrance of the cave they had foolishly taken cover within settled a little more firmly into place.

"On the other hand," Jim said, "this might really be _it_ this time."

He paused, in case one of them wanted to bring it up first, but both Spock and Uhura remained stubbornly focused on their tricorders, as if they were going to be any help. Communicators and tricorders never worked inside caves! It was one of the laws of the universe that Jim _couldn't_ defy.

He cleared his throat and put on his most winning smile. "Isn't there anything – any _one_ – you want to do before you die? Because I have some ideas."

Scotty's tinny voice carried perfectly in the silence that followed. "-ooks like that one worked, Chekov, I'm getting a signal!"

"Mr. Scott," Spock said quickly, "three to beam up."

4\. Drunk again. Uhura slapped him. Not his finest hour.

5\. Jim sneezed. "I feel weird," he said. "Do you feel weird? I think this pollen is doing something to me."

Uhura blew her nose. "Weird how? Short of breath?"

Jim _was_ panting a little. "Uh. More like, you know." He gestured vaguely below his waist.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I do not know. You will have to elaborate."

"Ah, fuck it," Jim said. Then he grabbed Spock by his pointy ears and kissed him, hard, on the mouth.

He had let go of his first officer and was turning towards Uhura when Spock reached out and calmly nerve-pinched him.

"What happened?" Jim asked, when he came to. "Was I poisoned or something? All that alien stuff in the air…"

"You had hay fever, Jim," Bones said. "You dumbass."

6\. "I came as soon as I could," Jim said, bursting into Uhura's quarters after using his override code on the door. "What's the emergen– _huh_."

Uhura and Spock were there. In her quarters. On her bed. Naked.

Jim's first thought was, hah! Sulu owes me a beer! It _is_ green!

He was still working on a second thought when Uhura sighed loudly. "Come on, _Captain_. Get your clothes off and get over here already."

"Do you require assistance?" Spock asked, when Jim didn't move right away.

"No, I'm good," Jim said, working rapidly at the fastenings of his uniform. His trousers had barely hit the floor before he was diving onto the bed between Spock and Uhura, ready to grab all he could get before it turned out that it was a hallucination caused by delinquent alien teenagers or something.

He was rolling Uhura's nipples between his fingers, Spock's hands hot on his hips while the two of them kissed wetly over his shoulder, when it suddenly hit him that it was really happening. None of his dreams ever lasted this long.

"Hey," he said. "I hate to ask, I mean, I _really_ hate to ask, but are either of you currently possessed by beings who exist only as energy or anything like that?"

Uhura pulled away from Spock's lips and looked at him with fond exasperation. "Jim. Do something useful with that mouth of yours."

And then Spock wrapped his fingers around Jim's dick and, hey, Jim was _all about_ useful. He put his mouth against Uhura's throat, and then her breast, and Spock was tracing the shape of Jim's shoulder-blades with his tongue, and Uhura was _moaning_ , and after that it was all kind've a blur. At some point, Uhura brought out some lube and a handful of flavored condoms, and Jim wanted to laugh because, really? Kiwi-strawberry? But he didn't, because Spock's fingers were _in his ass_ and _wow_ , that was something he'd actually never thought about quite long enough to form a solid opinion on, but it was _awesome_. And Uhura's thighs were sleek and muscular, and her skin was so soft, and her arms were around his neck, and she was sucking on his tongue and Spock was pressing him – pressing them both, really – into her and… Yeah. Definitely way, way more than he'd ever hoped for when he made that first stupid _ménage à trois_ joke.

Afterwards, the three of them spread out across the bed, touching only lightly at shoulders and fingertips. It wasn't like any post-coital cuddling Jim had ever done before, but it was no less intimate.

"That was satisfying," Spock said, when they had all mostly stopped gasping.

Uhura laughed. "Do you want to do it again sometime, then?"

"I would be amenable to the suggestion, if the Captain has no objections."

"Uh," said Jim. "I'm not sure I remember what an objection is, right now."

Spock started to explain, and Jim responded in the only logical way – tickling, which Uhura was totally in favor of – and pretty soon after that they were moving on to the next flavor of condom. Grape. Seriously.

After that first night, Jim stopped keeping count.


End file.
